Are You Good Enough?

Title : Are you good enough?
Author : Bill McFarlan and Dr. Alex Yellowlees
Publisher :Capstone Publishing Limited, 2006
ISBN-13 : 0 978-1-84112-701-9
ISBN-10 : 1-84112-701-9
Pages : 202


The book is about a family wherein the husband and wife encounter problems relating to their personalities. It tackles the ways and steps to become more confident, to have a better outlook on life and to be a better person. It tackles issues on self-worth and self-confidence; how they affect the person you are and the people around you and the suggestions on how you can be a victor in the confidence tug-of-war.

There are many examples and situations wherein the problems are clearly illustrated and the possible answers and solutions are clearly suggested. This book makes one recognize the folly of one’s behavior; the underlying reasons behind them and how to can correct those follies.

Are you hungry for love?
Lynn is married to her husband Steve for 5 years and he has been her partner for 10 years. She feels that her husband is more fascinated with football matches than conversing with her. Plus, when he kids her about her weight, it really puts her down. She is disheartened and dismayed with her weight problem that she experiences love-hate food relationship. This means that she’s encountering disagreement with food. She always worries on the food she eats. Those worries are nagging her subconscious, and in the process, drain her energy and takes off the joy of eating.

After worrying about the food she eats, a question on whether to eat or not to eat arises. While Lynn loves eating and preparing meals for her family, she has become cautious with food. She reflects on whether she’s eating too much or eating the wrong food. TV programs and glossy magazines affect her in such a way that sometimes, she just opts to not eat anything during the day. The sad part is that, during dinnertime, she is so hungry that she tends to overeat. She sometimes thinks that the world has gone diet-crazy, but then again, she wants to look good and everyone’s doing it so it must be acceptable and it must be okay to diet.

To overcome frustrations and disappointments, Lynn uses food to change the way she feels. When she feels down and unhappy, comfort eating is the easiest way to feel better – but only for a while. This will cause her to overeat and thus, eventually add to her disappointment with her weight and she will start dieting again. It is a way of filling her inner emptiness or emotional hunger. This emotional hunger stems from the want of self-love and a warmer and more fulfilling relationship with Steve.

Are you good enough?
The following morning, Steve left for the office with a thin smile for Lynn. In the office, he received a tongue-lashing from his boss that so humiliated him with the comments regarding his performance. This incident reminded him of his father. He was always seeking his father’s approval and being disappointed because he didn’t get it. He compares himself with the football players who lost a game and still get a high salary.

Our inner sense of self-worth affects the joy and contentment in our daily lives. It controls our preferences, point of view in life and behavior to others and ourselves. Our real value is what we feel inside and not how others perceive us to be from the outside. We value ourselves based on our own judgment, not on the judgment made by others. Steve sees himself as a failure. No matter how much he strives, he will not have enough success because he feels he is not good enough. This is the problem with the over-achievers trying to cover up their low level of self-worth.

Our self-worth is somewhat cultivated by our parents. Their unrestricted love serves a cornerstone of a healthy self-esteem. If we feel loved, we grow up with a sense of being ‘good enough for life.’ This will see us through all the challenges in life. In Steve’s case, he never got the stamp of approval he was aspiring to get from his father. He never felt that he is good enough even when he is giving his best. He can make a façade of a happy and content individual to boost his self-worth but, it only works when the outside world plays that game. When the outside world stops playing, he will head towards a personal crisis.

Is your emotional bank balance in the red?
With all the demands from different people Lynn wants to please, she is struggling to maintain an order in her frenzied life. Over time, she became a people pleaser without knowing it. Erroneously, she feels that she has to put everybody’s needs ahead of hers. She needs to be liked and is an approval seeker from others. The approval seeker cycle is that if they are needed by others, then they feel liked; if they feel liked, they feel approved of and if they gain approval, they feel better about themselves. Though the cycle may boost self-worth, the repeated cycle leaves the person feeling worn-out. The energy she offers surpasses the energy she gets back. She has to make time for herself to regain the energy she gives out.

Who are the bullies in your life?
Steve is struggling with the mixed emotions from being bullied by his boss. The incident can cause physical and emotional sickness. Fear begins because his boss has a power over him and there is too much at stake for him both professionally and personally. Then hurt is bothering him because of the injustice of his boss’ attacks. Rage follows just beneath the surface. It is the normal response when being attacked. The thing is, he cannot show his anger because of the consequences.

There are many kinds of bullies but the biggest bully is yourself. Over time, the criticisms you receive becomes a constant monologue inside your head. This inner critic becomes normal to you that it soon becomes your inner bully. This is what happened to Steve. He became his worst enemy. His inner and outer bully teams up against him.

Who are you pruning back to promote healthy growth?
Steve and Lynn’s self-confidence is based on outside events rather than on their inner personal values. They are no longer in control of their lives. Too many outside forces have taken over. That was when Steve realizes that people who became too demanding of their time and space needs to be pruned back or trimmed; those who demoralize their self-confidence needs to be rooted out while others need to be given a chance to develop in a different area in their lives since they both know that their friendship with other people is influencing their self-confidence and joy.

Have you lost your bearings?
Steve has a poor sense of self-worth. Even though he is good in what he does, he still feels bad about himself because he evaluates himself too strictly that all his achievements are never good enough for him. It is not his work or the people around him, but his self that brings him down. As a result, when other people see him as being an achiever, he feels like a fraud and he always dread being ‘found out’.

Men often find it more difficult to talk about their fears because they do not want to be seen as weak. This suppressed anger and depression is being bottled up, just boiling inside and then, the anger will start to be pointed against him. Steve is no exception. He begins to loose his bearings. As a result, his relationship with his family suffers without him even realizing it. If this continues, Lynn might slowly lose her respect and longing for him as a partner. Steve, on the other hand, may turn to other women as possible partners.

Steve then saw a confidence compass wherein there are four arrows. The one pointing to the north says more worth. The one pointing to the east says more competence. The one pointing to the west says less competence and the one pointing to the south says less worth. Apparently, all confident people are found in the north-east section of the compass.

Are you heading north-east?
The options in living your life is between living in a fast-paced lifestyle, always wanting to achieve more, fearing the thought of failing and never finding joy and contentment in the process of attaining your goals or to start believing in yourself and believing in your talents and capabilities. Your attitude and outlook has something to do about you, not the people or situations around you.

Lynn and Steve discussed the confidence compass, relating it to their lives and outlook on life. With these, they had a significant communication and it brought understanding on their problems and how to improve the quality of their lives and their relationship. With the help of the compass, they have to realize that self-worth has something to do with one’s inner value. It is one’s assessment of oneself. Also, they need to realize that self-competence is the possession of a good set of life skills suited to a person’s life. The combination of a healthy self-competence and self-worth is one of the secrets of real joy.

North-west people are arrogant and with a self-belief that outweighs their capabilities. These people do not ‘walk the talk’. North-eastern people are well rounded and confident people. They assist in developing others because they have no intention of walking over them to succeed. Steve is a south-easterner. His characteristic shows a high level of self-competence but low self-worth. He is an over-achiever and is extremely self-critical. On the other hand, Lynn is a south-westerner where both her self-worth and self-competence are both low. Now, the couple needs to cope. It means they need to possess a collection of life skills enough to live. Steve and Lynn know that they need to build their self-confidence as a start to their journey towards North-east.

Who are your role models?
All people have a set of unique role models. These are the people we instinctively look up to for direction regarding almost anything in our lives. Most of the time, they are collection of personalities that influenced us over time like our parents, teachers, friends and etc. It is important that we select healthy role models for us to gain self-belief because they will help mold us to our set of beliefs, habits, attitude and lifestyle.
The character of Lynn and Steve shows that they chose role models who did not help them build their self-confidence. They still carry with them the effects of choosing misleading inspiration to be their role models. Apparently, they both need a new set of role models who will aid in building their personalities for the better.

Who are you parenting?
Parenting is the most vital profession in the world. This is where a new character, behavior, and identity will be formed. To be effective, there should be a combination of the skills of the mother and father. To be a good parent, you must remember these good parenting principles:

Loving your child unconditionally.
Setting clear, understandable and consistent boundaries to behavior.
Respecting a child’s individuality.
Having high yet realistic expectations.
Lynn and Steve need to talk about their parenting concerns. They need to be consistent in how they communicate to their son to avoid confusion on his part regarding attitude and character issues. They should ‘walk their talk’ to encourage Nicky to follow what they are telling him to do. One of the secrets in managing life is self-parenting. Lynn and Steve should transmit to themselves what a good parent does. This will bring about positive values and attitudes that will be communicated to Nicky.

Also, we parent not only our biological children but those who look to us for guidance. For Steve, it could be his staff at work. He should learn how to be a better leader for them to follow. He should nurture them to be the best they can be.

How are you coping with change?
Change is the fundamental forceful power in life. It is inevitable. The level of changes in our lives is related to the way they affect our self-esteem and our ability to cope with the changes. There are predictable changes wherein people can manipulate for the change to happen. Although it will need adjustment, it is easy to handle. For Lynn and Steve, example is the decision they made for Lynn to return to work. It is a big change but one that gives out chances to be a better person.

There are also unpredictable changes. They are based on external factors where we have little or no control of. If our inner core of confidence is strong, we will be less defenseless because our confidence is not based on external factors. The biggest confidence buster is the fear of change. The fear of going out of our comfort zone lessens our sense of security. Our level of self-confidence will dictate how we will deal and react to the changes that will definitely happen in our lives. Every experience presents a chance for self-confidence to grow. It is how we choose to respond that matters. Steve was presented with this opportunity when his well rounded boss was replaced by a ‘bulldog’. And he chose to react negatively.

What do your words say about you?
Words are powerful tools to hurt, condemn, manipulate, support and motivate. They can be used to get what we want. They can bring changes we could never have thought possible. Talking things up when there are issues and concerns must be practiced regularly for it to become a habit. This will also help in cultivating self-confidence.

The words we utter affect our communication with ourselves. They have the authority to impact us positively or negatively. For this reason, it is very important that we choose the words we are going to speak. We need to practice positive self-talk to bring about positive results. It alters our thinking, feelings and behavior to have a greater chance to succeed. For Steve, he needs to focus his mind to have a positive outlook. For Lynn, she has to conquer her inner critic for this will clash with her positive self-talk. She needs to establish a positive alternative to the nagging negative jibes in her mind.

Both Lynn and Steve need to begin believing and banking positive self-talk, compliments and praises. They need to start using languages that will sustain the positive beliefs they are creating and developing.

How are you at solving problems?
Everyone will surely encounter problems as long as we live. Knowing how to solve them is a potential confidence and coping skills builder. Problems will definitely arise, but what’s important is how we react to those problems. Self-awareness is a start in solving those problems. It may be uncomfortable at first but it is an opportunity to change and grow personally. We have to stop denying or ignoring the problem for it will never give a long-term solution. It will only make matters worse.

The first step in problem solving is realizing and accepting that a problem exists. Only then can we start understanding the problem. One way to better understand a problem is to ask yourself the right questions for they will generate meaningful answers. These answers will help you focus more on the crisis and will aid in your development of an action plan to work out a solution. There should be a brainstorming wherein all possible solutions are laid down along with their pros and cons. This will help you to be more in charge of your life.

This is a big leap for the couple but they tackled it head on together and they prepared to make the changes in their lives to help them gain more confidence and to have a happier life.

Are you acting ‘as if’?
Our authority to work out problems is dependent in the strength of our belief that we can. The mind has the power to accomplish what it believes. But be aware that self-belief is founded by preparation, performance and physiology; otherwise it is nothing but a false sense of security.

Preparation is important in achieving one’s goal. In order to perform well, one must practice to make it easier to perform what he has to do. Practice enables mind-body connections that are vital for carrying out the behavior we want to cultivate. This way, the performance will come out more natural, confident and forceful. A good performance boosts one’s self-confidence. Also, physiology aids in nurturing strong confidence between mind and body. It pertains to the physical health and well-being. This is the method used by Steve and Lynn to plan Steve’s confrontation with his bulldog boss.

Another method used by Steve to confront his boss is to act as if he is confident. This behavior will send messages to his brain and the more he acts confident, the more confident he will truly be. This way, the confidence cycle will be repeated until such time he will really be confident.

Does your mind work for you?
The mind is the strongest tool to comprehend the world and to handle life. We can either make it work for or against us. It is therefore essential to revisit the incorrect assumptions we made as children because unknowingly, we are living based on our performance as a child, which may not be appropriate now that we’ve grown up. Then, we need to re-evaluate the outlook we had as children based on the available evidences. With the help of re-evaluating our beliefs, we can alter our negative opinion of ourselves and re-construct a new set which are more motivating and appropriate for the adult in us. Knowing how to befriend our mind and for it to support us is vital in having peace of mind. Learning how to make it work for us compensates us immediately.

We formulate views and judgment about everything around us and they are the foundation of our reality or our mind map. We need to sift through these beliefs for they may be a reality to us, but in truth, it may be a distortion of the situation. Let us reframe those views and judgments to make them work for us. Visually reframe events and situations by ridding off discouraging images of the event and making a new empowering one.

For Lynn, even though there are uncertainties and fear, she conjured images that will help her relax and tried to block off the negative images and fear she had to be able to be more confident in dealing with people and in facing them in interviews.

Good enough!
The first step in gaining self-confidence and being happy and content is by satisfying your emotional hunger. This will be a start in making you feel better about yourself and the people around you. How other people see you are less important compared to what you think of yourself. Investing your time, effort and energy in pleasing other people is not as vital as looking after yourself. Furthermore, do away with the bullies in your life. Challenge them and assert yourself to them. Keep only the relationships with people you want to be a part of your life.

Go to the right direction. Balance your work with self-belief. Choose only those role models that can give you more than skin-deep character and image. In line with this, cope with change. Be positive and see the changes as opportunities for you to gain more confidence and be a better person. Face the changes and the problems that will surely arise. Be positive. Talk positively to yourself to develop your self-worth. Act as if you are confident and make it a cycle to eventually, make you really confident. Befriend your mind and make it work for you. Silence the negative things in your mind and replace them with positive ones. Then, you’ll be good enough!

These methods are what Lynn and Steve started to learn and practice to make their professional and personal lives easier and happier.

Attitude is Everything

Title : Attitude is Everything
Author : Keith Harrell
Publisher : HarperCollins Publishers, 2002
ISBN : 0060954906
Pages : 240



Opposites thrive everywhere. Even in your own little self, a continuous battle exists. Whichever way you choose to deal with these battles, that choice always defines the attitude that you project. Looking at these objectively, a positive attitude is still undeniably the most valuable asset you can ever choose to treasure. It is the most basic ingredient to every success story in this planet.

This book by Keith Harrell will show you the way towards a life ruled by positive attitude. This book will not only serve as a motivational device but a learning tool as well, that will expose you to fundamental principles leading to self-development and personal growth.


Chapter One: Attitude is Everything

Step 1: Understand the power of attitude

Life will always be full of surprises. It will never cease to hurl disappointments and frustrations on your way. Nevertheless, these negative occurrences will always be coupled with matching, if not greater, intensities of happiness leading to ultimate joy. The difference lies though on the handling methods you apply various situations that come your way. It will all lie on how you translate bad situations into good learning experiences.

Keith Harrell shares his frustration on not being drafted to the NBA and how this experience shaped the rest of his lifetime. Sometimes, disappointments and frustrations are miracles in the form of disguises. If you would look deeper into your story, these negative events might just be a form of a wake up call for you. More often than not, they are simple incidence to make you realize that life has better offers for you.

To understand the power of attitude, you have to realize these though: your attitude affects everything you do, your attitude affects the people around you and your attitude reflects YOU. As a first step, ponder on these questions: (1) how well do you know yourself; (2) What are your attitudes at work; and (3) what are your attitudes at home? By personally digging into yourself, you start connecting with your inner self. You are now starting your attitude tune up.

Remember that your attitudes always translate into actions. As a human being, you are not deemed perfect and is not therefore expected to adapt a positive attitude all of the time. However, it is important that you always work your way towards a positive attitude. You can start your journey towards positivity by practicing the following steps:

Learning to handle stress by balancing work and leisure time
Identifying your persistent negative and pessimistic thoughts and learning to combat them with logical and rational thoughts.
Sharing what you feel to a supportive person, one good example of which is emptying out your worries to a close friend.
Working your way towards a problem solution instead of choosing to be argumentative always.
Chapter Two: Attitude is a Choice

Step 2: Choose to Take Charge of Your Life

Choices are essential in your life. They can be made consciously or unconsciously. Whichever way, they always define behavior. Behaviors are your responses to every situation that you encounter. They often translate into habits. It is imperative then that you make a conscious effort of not letting your choices rule over you. Always take sometime to reflect on how your choices made differences in your life. When you see some bad choices along the way, never think that your realization came too late. Choosing to rectify mistakes made in the past is never too late a deed.

Controlled By Attitude vs. Attitude under Control

Individuals controlled by attitude tend to be pessimistic and are often afraid to take chances. They tend to dwell on the idea of permanent suffering. They don't believe in second chances. They simply allow themselves to get stuck in their own little miserable world.

People whose attitudes are under control are their total opposites. Controlled people are pure optimists and views hardships as accidental challenges. They act to solve a problem. Sulking is never an option to them. Which one are you?

Happiness Is Yours to Create; They Are Often Determined By Your Choices

As a cliche goes, happiness is a state of mind. Ask yourself this question, what are the things that will make you happy? Sometimes you ask too much from life. Learn to appreciate small doses of joy. It is better that you start from the small ones and move up to working on your lifetime happiness rather than jump a few ladders ahead and fall back a few more steps behind after.

Strengthening your choosing ability

It's the internal message that counts . Whatever negative comments you hear, believe that they can always be neutralized by more pleasant thoughts from other people who appreciate your potentials as a person.
A positive attitude is the first and last line of defense . Your inner dialogue is one powerful tool. Learn to replace negative internal thoughts with hope and optimism.
Selecting an optimistic attitude . You always have a choice on how you would want your inner dialogue to run. You can opt to dwell on self-defeat and self-pity or you can decide for self-encouragement and self-motivation.
Programming your attitude . The mind sometimes works just like computers. Positive outlook can sometimes stem from good programming or favorable mind conditioning. Your behaviors and responses are 90% influenced by your thoughts. So try to think of happy thoughts always.
Watch what you say - to yourself . Be your own personal critic. But always be kind to yourself. Take constructive rather than destructive criticisms to heart.
Chapter Three: Bag Your Bad Attitude

Step 3: Identifying Through Self-Awareness the Attitudes That Hold You Back or Propel You Forward

Bad Attitudes Are Heavy Baggage

Do some constant self-check. See how your environment responds to your behavior. If you see some changes, ask yourself, are you behaving differently these days? Keep an open mind always. Sometimes, the signal to change an attitude will come from external parties rather than from you.

Three Types of Bad Attitude Baggage

If-Only Baggage. This stems from questions that were left unanswered in the past. But learn the value of letting go. The past will never be someplace you can come visit again. They can never be relived. Work on moving forward and not making the same mistakes again.
What-Now Baggage. This happens when challenges at the present are dealt with fear instead of seeking for opportunities and solutions to the situation at hand. Remember that no problem is resolved when the load that you carry as the problem solver is too much for you to handle. Lighten up. Brighten up. Things will get better soon.
What-If Baggage. These are brought about by unnecessary anxiety on what might happen in the present. Oftentimes, they paralyze you and disable you from making logical and rational decisions. Focus on opportunities and solutions rather than anticipating negative consequences and stressing yourself out.
The Root Causes of Bad Attitude and Their Symptoms

Low self esteem . Constantly putting other people down, shifting blame to others for your own mistakes.
Stress. Burn out; short attention span; lack of focus; insomnia; thoughts of suicide, ending relationships or quitting a job; headaches; stomach problems; and/or back pains.
Fear . Renders a physically and mentally equipped person immobile.
Resentment and anger . Urge to attack another person, anger by mere thoughts of a person
Inability to handle change. Belief that change is always equivalent to failure.
The Basics of Attitude Awareness

The key to maintaining a good attitude is by doing some constant personal attitude assessment. By personally identifying your bad and harmful attitudes, the initiative to toss out specific personal negative traits and do some attitude tune up now comes from you. It makes the choice to change more appreciated.

Chapter Four: Change Your Bad Attitude For Good

Step 4: Reframe your bad attitude

Attitude Control 101

Be responsible for your own behavior. Realize that the people around you will not adjust your attitude for you. Don't get swept away by negative emotions like despair, grief, hatred, resentment, fear, anxiety and the like. Learn to block them from your thoughts.

The Three-P's That Cause Bad Attitudes

Permanent. Give more value to the good times and the good memories, rather than spending too much time nursing tragic memories. There's time to grieve but don't spend your lifetime doing only that. Know when to start moving on.
Pervasive. Your current tragedy might feel so intense you might think that it's going to ruin your entire life. But experience wise, think that there is in fact some truth in the saying that: behind the clouds is a silver lining. Sometimes, the silver becomes even gold. Tragedies are sometimes windows to positive, major life changes.
Personal. Sometimes, you become resigned to the idea that the difficulty you currently face is exclusive to you and that God personally chose to punish you. Such thoughts should be flushed out of your mind before the brain even starts processing the thought. A cheerful disposition towards every challenge that life throws at you can sometimes lift the burden off your shoulders. Challenges often bring you good learning experiences.
The Power of Words: Gratitude and Forgiveness - The Antidotes To Negative Attitude

Forgiveness enables you to accept other people's flaws and to realize that you sometimes do demand too much from other people. Learning to forgive also replaces pain and anger with respect towards others and yourself, most especially. It promotes some sense of calmness in the spirit to be able to let all that baggage go.

Learning to be grateful promotes life appreciation. When you feel like the world has conspired against you, start counting your blessings. Sometimes, you just tend to overlook the fact that you have so much to be thankful of.

Chapter Five: Turn Attitude Into Action

Step 5: Find your purpose and passion.

Living for a Purpose

The process of getting in touch with your true purpose in life and finding your passion always brings you these three queries: (1) why were you born; (2) who are you really; and (3) what do you want to do with your life. Answering these questions will provide you with blueprints of your goals and the path towards the achievement of these goals.

Creating you own personal vision

Writing down your own personal vision is the first step towards the realization of your lifetime goals. It is important to note though that these goals should always be realistic. Your personal vision can be divided into three major parts:

Your Work-life game plan/ Long-term goal
Your Private-life game plan
Your complete game plan
These are the steps towards drafting your personal vision:

List down your separate primary goals for each part - for your career and for your private life.
Next, create mini-goals or steps that you will help lead you towards the achievement of the primary aim. For example, write down specific trainings or experiences that you would like to take prepare you for the next level of your journey towards your lifetime goal.
Set deadlines for each primary goal and mini-goal so that you always have a timeline in mind. This will help you set your pace.
Lastly, write affirmations on each objective/mini-goal that you identify. The affirmation should contain the reasons why this goal is important and how it would help you inch you closer to your primary goal.
Chapter Six: Warning - Attitude Hazards Ahead

Step 6: Be proactive.

You should assume a never give up, never quit attitude. Always try to give yourself enough time to prepare for each activity you enlist into. Preparation is one thing that fuels attitude into action.

Having Enough Prep Time

Preparation is important because it one major source of confidence for you. It conditions your mind to think that no obstacle can ever hinder you from achieving your goals. People might try to put you down and discourage you from continuing on with your plans but having cultivated a positive attitude, you will simply take criticisms like these as a form of challenge and continue to move on with your strategy.

Maintaining Control In Spite Of Attitude Hazards

Even when you totally instilled a positive attitude, life will always have minor inconveniences that would sometimes prove to attitude hazards. But if you remain level headed and optimistic, accepting these minor bumps along the way as part of journey to success, you are certainly assured of nothing but success.

When you learn to overcome these minor annoyances and interruptions, you are pretty much sure that you can hurdle the major ones later on. Just remain grounded and focused on your goals.

Preactive vs. Inactive

Cultivating a positive attitude also requires you to be preactive. By being preactive, you learn to anticipate situations even before they arise. Because even the most prepared individual will not be excused from suffering life's disasters. But if you are preactive, its impact on you can be cushioned.

Catastrophe is inevitable. Natural disasters will occur and these are situations you can never be sufficiently prepared for. When they occur, you could get thrown off-course. But learn to reestablish your goals and your routine. This will help you adapt and eventually recover.

Facing the Hazards of Fear; Keeping your faith

Fear is one deadly phenomenon. When it attacks, it always renders you immobile, indecisive and lost. However, there are ways in which you can take control of you fear. These are the following:

Seek help for your fear
Strengthen your faith through prayers
Communicate your fear to people you trust
Be in touch with your inner dialogue
Victory lies on the other side of each challenge

Stop worrying too much because whatever difficulty you are experiencing right now is only temporary. Assure yourself that victory is always on the other side of the fence. Find your way towards it. Channel your energies on things you can control and stay optimistic that you will eventually get favorable results. Don't let yourself become a victim of additional attitude hazards like self-doubt, frustration, fear of failure, anxiety, anger, and blame. Just stay focused and keep your cool.

Response vs. Reaction

A response is a positive and constructive mental adjustment. It is your offense and defense against negative thoughts. A reaction, on the other hand, only involves emotions and does not usually do anything to alleviate the difficulty that you are currently experiencing. Work on being a responsive individual rather than a reactive one.

Chapter Seven: Your Attitude Tool Kit

Step 7: Discover how to motivate yourself

Reach into the attitude tool kit

If you delve deeper into your inner positive defenses you might just be surprised to discover that you have built in tools to help you neutralize negative attitudes. They just need some conditioning and they are good to go. These attitude tools are affirmations, self-motivation, visualization, attitude talk, powerful greetings, enthusiasm, spiritual empowerment, humor and exercise. These can help you stay focused, build confidence and eliminate counter productive thoughts.

Attitude Tool 1: Self-coaching through affirmations

Affirmations are statements of confidence and faith in your abilities. This involves the processes of repetition, feeling and imagining. Its five major attributes are: (1) it should be uniquely yours; (2) it should be uplifting; (3) it should deal with the current situation; (4) it should paint a picture in your mind; and (5) it should touch your heart. These statements should start with I AM not with I TRY, I WISH, or I HOPE.
Attitude Tool 2: Self-motivation through discovering your motives

The basic human motives for action are love, self-preservation, anger, financial gain, and fear. The strongest among these are love, fear and financial gain. It is imperative that you discover what motivates you in order to have the passion you need to achieve your success.
It is also important that you realize that motivation is not permanent. Therefore, you have to take some effort in doing something daily to maintain your energy, focus and enthusiasm. In order for you to be able to cultivated self-motivation, you should at have these five qualities: enthusiasm, a positive outlook, a positive physiology, positive memories and belief in yourself and in your potentials.
Attitude Tool 3: The Power of Visualization

Visualization is powerful method of self-therapy. It produces a calming effect and helps you remain focused by detaching too much emotion. It works well with affirmations to improve your attitude and self-motivation. It sets your mind towards positive results and goal achievement.
Attitude Tool 4: Attitude Talk for Positive Internal Dialogue

Attitude talk is a form of mind conditioning. This method will help you face new directions through overriding your past negative thoughts and erasing or replacing them with conscious positive inner dialogues.
Your mind works just like a computer. Sometimes major influences like the television, newspapers, and snide comments from other people program your mind to expect nothing but negative events. You should learn to filter out negative thoughts brought about by negative ideas from these factors.
Attitude Tool 5: The Power in A Positive Greeting

When you're feeling down, don't say what you feel. You should instead tell people around you what you want to feel. Use words that will lift up not only your spirit but those around you as well. Bear in mind that great power lies in these things: the words you use, the things you do, and the things you say.
People who view life as a beautiful gift are the ones whose company is sought after. Because such a feeling is contagious and who would not one to be inflicted by such an attitude.
Attitude Tool 6: Enthusiasm, a Vital Tool for Staying Motivated

Enthusiasm maintains positive disposition and helps keep you motivated. It is the most empowering and attractive characteristics one can ever display. It is the actual translation of the spirit within you. It illustrates your faith towards the eventual realization of your goals. It sums up this equation: commitment + determination + spirit.
Attitude Tool 7: Connecting To Your Spiritual Empowerment

Faith is one great source of powerful and positive motivation. Spirituality is one major part of the human being. Just as the physical body needs to be fed and nourished with food, the spirit requires the same amount of feeding as well. One major source of food for the spirit is the Bible.
Attitude Tool 8: Lighten Up Your Life with Humor

Humor flushes out stress. It helps your body generate more positive energy to fuel you in your daily goings-on. This is idea supported as well by science. Studies show that laughter helps your body produce endorphin which is one major factor in the physical healing process of the human body.
Attitude Tool 9: Exercising Will Help Keep You Motivated

Just like laughter, exercising also facilitates the production of endorphins. Exercise does not always have to be done in the gym. There are simple exercises ranging from taking mental vacations to stretching exercises that could help you relax while even at work.
Chapter Eight: Build Your A-Team (Attitude Team)

Step 8: Build supportive relationships.

We are formed by many hands and hearts

No one exists for long as an island. Everybody needs people to stay alive. Feedbacks from others help you maintain a straight perspective, tune up your wisdom channel, and help you cultivate honesty and build support.

Let go of your ego and adapt a humble disposition. Identify the major characters that comprise your A-team (or your attitude team). Recognize that these people influenced you to become what you are now. All of them have played an important role in your life. Learn to appreciate the value of their support.

Building relationships with the right attitude

You only reap what you sow. If you have always been giving as a friend, expect to always have people around to support and help you especially during moments of dire need. Most friendships endure because of the symbiotic nature of the relationship. The mutual benefit doesn't have to be of equal value always for each of the parties involved. In real and lasting friendships, there is never a definite measurement to the help that you can extend to a friend. What matters is your readiness to extend a helping hand whenever it is needed.

Building your own A-Team

Build a team with whom you have shared values and visions because it is the best foundation for lasting relationships. Make a list of the people who had been qualified to be in your A-team. This will serve as a constant reminder that you are never alone in this world. It will help you appreciate these people and at the same time, bring you humility. Try to keep open communications with any member of your A-team.

Evaluating your attitudes about relationships

Generally, the following are the observed attitudes from people who have maintained long and lasting relationships.

Unconditional acceptance and respect for others . You should not demand anything from friendship. When you give something, don't expect anything in return. Rewards will come unexpectedly but you should never anticipate them.
Trustworthiness earns trust . You win trust by showing other people how dependable you are. You become trustworthy when you show up when you said you would. You earn honor by letting people feel how honorable you are.
Be nice without expecting anything back . Simple acts of genuine kindness go a long, long way. Offer such and you will be rewarded with friendship.
Practice loyalty, even when it loses popularity . Being a friend calls for you to be there during times of need. It calls for your constant support and feedback. These feedbacks don't have to be always pleasant. Sometimes, as a true friend, you have to say things that are unwanted but are crucially needs to be communicated.
Offer a listening ear and an understanding heart and mind . When you listen as a friend, do it objectively. Avoid being judgmental. Your worth is not measured by the judgments you make. Although difficult, this is the only way you can offer good insight and advice.
Remove toxic negativity from your A-team

There are four major types of toxic people, they are:

Judges and critics. These refer to people who like to spend considerable time judging and criticizing the actions of others. They are best when offering demoralizing comments and making moral/value judgments.
Professional victims. These people like to play the blame game. They like to hype things up and blame others when the project ends up in failure. They never take responsibility for their actions.
Soap opera stars. These are attention-seeking people. They like to be the focus of attention always. They like to stay dramatic always, thinking that this is the best way to catch everybody's attention. They never listen to advice though. They just like to pray the grieving party always.
Bitter to the core. They are the epitome of "misery loves company". These represent people who become unhappy when they see their friends succeed. They usually have nothing to offer but sarcastic, hurtful and harmful remarks.
If you some people in your A-list nurture any of the attributes above, better start limiting your exposure to these people already. They will bring you nothing but tragedy.

Creating a Non Toxic Zone

The best defense against toxic people attacks: finding your center and your focus. By staying positive and choosing to maintain that productive attitude, you are slowly creating your own non-toxic zone. Once you are able to do so, toxic people will find it hard to knock you off course.

Chapter Nine: Develop A Whatever-It-Takes Attitude

Step 9: See Changes as an Opportunity.

Changes are inevitable. The only question here is: how do you respond to the various changes that come your way? The book cited four different ways on which people deal with change:

Shift into neutral.
Adopt a negative attitude.
Adopt a counterproductive attitude.
Adopt a positive attitude.
Among the four, which do you think would work best in bringing out your potentials to it fullest?



Understanding the Process of Change

Overcoming the fear of change requires you to undergo a certain process. Here are the stages:

Stage One: Have I got what it takes?

Your fear to take risk is at its strongest at this stage. However, you should realize that staying in your comfort zone won't get you anywhere. Your only choice is to let go of the fear and work hard to attain the best output you can get.

Stage Two: How much is this going to hurt?

You might feel some sense of disorientation and insecurity when you are in this stage. You might feel lost. But hang on. You got this far. Try to create positive affirmations to help you get through. Stay with dynamic and positive people.

Stage Three: Action Produces Results

Your confidence will start growing at this stage. Try not to go overboard. Relish the good feeling brought about by self-assurance but don't be overwhelmed. Work on maintaining your sense of balance. Keep your faith and spirituality high.

Stage Four: Whatever-It- takes

And you are here! You reached your goal finally. Don't stay too comfortable though. Try to avoid nesting into another comfort zone. Work instead on stretching your capabilities by setting up new but realistic goals.

Ten Strategies for Creating Positive Attitudes about Change

Tap Into the power of your subconscious
Pause to reflect
Keep your long term goals in mind
Avoid learned helplessness
Maintain a balance
Acknowledge change
Convert threats into opportunities
Turn the change into a challenge
Turn on the positive energy
Seek support from members of your a-team
Chapter Ten: Make A Mark That Cannot Be Erased

Step 10: Leave a Lasting Legacy

After learning to appreciate the real you and achieving your goal of keeping a positive attitude, you should now realize that all that goodness should not stay bottled up. Start sowing your seeds of love and positivity. Learn to give and share your blessings because at the end of the day, your definition of fulfillment will be the same as everybody else's. That is, making a difference - good, positive difference - on somebody else's life. Eventually, you will see that the reward you get from this effort will never be equaled by any material reward there is in this world.